note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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