my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
