My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
