Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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