All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
