There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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