I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
