I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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