i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
