there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
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