turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize