but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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