At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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