you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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