I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
