did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
