Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
