Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize