So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize