I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
