Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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