I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My dick has a subreddit
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
