Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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