I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am mentally ready for anal.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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