Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My ATM looks so different sober.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize