The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
