ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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