you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize