Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
