Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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