you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
