so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
