You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
