I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
