well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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