you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
