you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
