My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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