im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
