I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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