i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
