why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
