There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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