Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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