woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
