I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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