oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Randomize
