I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
