This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
