I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
