I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
