just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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