Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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