He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
