"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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