Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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