I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dick very happy bro
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
