Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
well you can't waste a boner
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
