i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
