K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
