She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
