I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
