My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
