I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize