It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
