I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
