Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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