was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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