I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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