It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
