Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
