Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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